Regrets - Non-entry

Discussion in 'KAW 12' started by Little Miss K, Oct 7, 2018.

  1. Little Miss K

    Little Miss K Naughty but Nice 3-Time CAW Winner CAW SS Winner

    Regrets: An introspection



    Have you ever been bored? I mean seriously bored. Where rearranging your sock drawer, or mentally alphabetizing your favorite songs is more exciting than whatever you are doing at that moment? That is where I was that December afternoon. Had a telemarketer called, I would have been happy to listen to their pitch, just to have something to do.

    A group project had me stuck at school for the weekend, and I was miserable. My boyfriend had plans back at home, my best friend was busy with her own life, and I felt like I had nothing, and nobody in the whole world. I wanted anything at all to do! That is when my dorm mate walked in.

    Teri was my polar opposite, but I couldn’t have asked for a better roommate. Where I am shy and reserved, she is loud and outgoing. I am short and on the petite side, but Teri is tall, athletic, and has boobs for days. The day I met her my freshman year, I was overwhelmed by her exuberance, but we quickly became friends.

    “I thought you were going home this weekend,” she said in both statement and question. “Since you are here, you better be ready to party!”

    Along with being my opposite, Teri was always looking for fun. She was very socially active, and though I was usually gone during the weekend, I knew that there was an alarming amount of college boys that had been in our dorm room when I was not around. I didn’t judge, and she had always made sure my room was off limits. To be honest . . . I always loved hearing about her exploits, and she was unabashedly open about rehashing them.

    “Seriously K., Phi Kappa Tau is throwing a blow out tonight. You have got to be there! I know you aren’t looking to get laid, but what’s the harm in having some fun and checking out the guys?”

    She looked at me with no shame at all.

    “And if any of the guys give you too much attention, send them my way, and I will distract them.”

    Teri performed a sexually driven move, and I had no doubt that guys would prefer her. I had to laugh, but compared to the boredom I was experiencing, I had no other option.

    “Okay!” I was suddenly feeling like I wanted to do something crazy. “Let me get dressed.”

    I didn’t intentionally put on anything sexy, or try to do anything to attract attention, but Teri’s enthusiasm got me excited. I wore a pair of jeans that I knew was too tight, and a top that made me feel like it showed off what little I had. After all . . . I only wanted to have fun. I wasn’t really trying to get a guy.

    We left for the party, and my boredom was a thing of the past.



    Teri was like a wild animal. I stuck close to her, feeling uncomfortable, but tried to go along with the crowd. Too many beers and way too many shots, and I became an unwitting accomplice to what she was trying to perpetrate.

    The two guys we ended up talking to seemed nice. When the one tried to kiss me, I told him firmly that I was not interested, and that I had a boyfriend. He was polite, and in my foggy thoughts, I appreciated how accepting he was. Imagine my surprise when Teri broke her kiss with the guy she was with, then started kissing the guy I had just shot down!

    Too much alcohol had me thinking fuzzy. I hated the way I felt and wished that my boyfriend was there to rub my back and make everything alright. We ended up riding back to our dorm with a couple of strange, drunk boys, who neither of us really knew. I wanted everything to stop, but I knew I had to try and stay aware. This was the type of situation that I had always tried to avoid, but for some reason had ended up in.

    Teri turned on some music, the two boys and her started to dance. I love music, but even through my buzz, I knew I needed to pause and think. What was I doing here? How was this going to end? I knew there was nothing here for me, but in my current state, I didn’t know what to do. I sat on the couch while the others danced and did the only thing that I could think of.

    I called Bobby.

    In the midst of the loud music, and talking, his voice was what I wanted to hear. I was aware of the way my voice slurred, but I only wanted to hear his voice.

    “Hey Baby.”, I managed to get out.

    “Hi, Sweetheart. How is your weekend going? Did you get that project finished?”

    “Yea”, I mumbled. “I wish I was home.”

    Right then, Teri and our two guests started talking loudly. I tried to cover the mouthpiece, but the noise was totally obvious. Bobby asked the question without accusation.

    “Sweetheart, do you have guys over? Sounds like there are a bunch of people there.”

    My impaired brain didn’t know what to say. I hadn’t done anything wrong, but I was drunk, with two college boys in my apartment, and currently, both of them were making out with my roommate and starting to remove their clothes.

    I tried to rationalize, but my mind didn’t want to work right. I knew it was wrong, but I said the first thing that popped into my head.

    “NO! I’m just watching TV.”

    I wanted to take it back as soon as I said it. If I had a time machine, I would have used it for this one singular moment in my life. For the very first time, I knew that I had lied to the man I trusted more than anyone in the world. This was something that I promised I would never do. It was so stupid! I could have explained. Instead . . . the next moment threatened to ruin my life.

    “Hey K! Come on and dance with us!”

    I knew that Bobby could hear that through the phone. What was more important is that he knew that I had lied. My whole world started to collapse.

    “Ummm. Okay.” I could hear the heartbreak in his voice, and I didn’t know how to defend myself. I hadn't been doing anything wrong, but I knew that I had just screwed up in the worst way possible.

    “I’m going to go.” He said in a flat voice.

    The click of the line made me sick to my stomach. My heart was beating so hard that I started to feel dizzy. I had a bad moment where I felt like I would pass out in front of everybody. Somehow I made it to the hall, then looked back.

    “I’m going to bed.”

    I locked my door, then tried calling Bobby again. It went straight to voicemail. Every time I tried after that, it did the same. I don’t know how many times I tried, but I passed out crying and hitting redial.

    Despite schoolwork, or gas money, or drive time; I set out early Sunday morning for home. I tried to make light of the situation and came up with the many ways we would laugh about it, and then make love to put it all behind us. By the time I pulled in our driveway, I had convinced myself that this was all going to work out fine. I had even begun to feel turned on about the prospect of make-up sex.

    When I didn’t see his truck, I knew that things were not going to be so easy.

    I walked into the kitchen and found his phone on the counter. A quick check showed that there were over a dozen unanswered calls from my cell. There was an unfinished drink on the sink board, and a half-eaten meal on the table. He hadn’t even bothered to turn off the television.

    When I crept into the bedroom, I felt like an intruder in my own home. I hugged his pillow tight and started to cry. It was a full eight hours later that I woke in our bed to find him still not around.



    I can’t remember if it was three, or maybe four days until he came back. I know I missed the entire week of school, and that I had called his sister, his parents, his best friend, and his office. No one had heard from him or knew where he was. Either that, or nobody was willing to tell me. By the end, I had even called the state police, and the local hospital. Had I screwed up so bad that he had completely disappeared? I would have done anything to take back that god damned lie.

    I woke to find him sitting on the bed, and stroking my leg. He was looking away from me, but I felt like he knew the exact moment when I opened my eyes. His response was so simple that I questioned if the last few days had really happened.

    “Hey Sweetheart.”, was all he said.

    I wanted to hug him. I wanted to scream and yell. Part of me wanted to slap his face as hard as I could, and the other part wanted to fall to my knees and beg him to forgive me.

    When I saw how sad he looked, all I could do was begin to cry.

    “Hey Babe.” After a few moments of silence, I felt like I had to explain. “Nothing happened. I swear to God! I didn’t cheat on you!”

    When he looked at me, my heart broke. He didn’t look angry, he didn’t shout at me, he only looked broken.

    “I know that. I know you would never do that to us.” His ex had cheated, and I had promised that I would never do that to him. The thought had never even crossed my mind.

    “We both know that you have had every opportunity, but you haven’t. You know my past, and I trust that you wouldn’t do what Christie did to me.”

    Why did this feel so bad? I was faithful, I was pure, I was his. Never would I think of cheating on him. His next words made me hate myself just a little bit, and I knew what I had done.

    “But that doesn’t change the fact that you lied to me.”

    It was a fair statement. I could justify, clarify, explain, and rationalize, but when all the debate was done, I had lied. If I could find a time machine, and go back to that instant, this is something that I would rectify. I had lied to the man that I loved.

    I was surprised when he took my face in his hands and kissed me. There is nothing in my life that I cherish more than that.

    He looked into my eyes, and I could see the pain. I could also see the love.

    “Don’t ever do that again.”



    That was years ago. I don’t claim that there are no longer scars, but I know that there is forgiveness as well. I have spent countless hours regretting what I did. Trust is worth more than silver, more valuable than gold, and far more precious than platinum or gems. I wish I could take back that moment of stupidity, but looking back, I will learn from it, and it will ultimately make our relationship stronger.

    I have done my best to regain his trust. Every day I am thankful that we made it past that bad time. Something that was so little almost cost me so much. I have never lied to him since that time, and I never will.

    Regrets are something that can not be changed, but they can be a lesson. and my mistake will never be repeated.
     
  2. bistander

    bistander Well-Known Member Multi-CAW Finalist KAW Winner

    I had to Google it: Introspection is the examination of one's own conscious thoughts and feelings. In psychology, the process of introspection relies exclusively on observation of one's mental state, while in a spiritual context it may refer to the examination of one's soul.

    Sounds deep. I wonder if it'll be over my head?
     
  3. Redbeard1031

    Redbeard1031 Well-Known Member

    This story has probably happened to everyone at least once in your life. Not everyone gets a second chance to make it right. This was a good story and I felt everything that the main character was feeling. This is the work of a good writer. Thanks for submitting this.
     
  4. Uncle B

    Uncle B Well-Known Member 3-Time CAW Winner

    Trust is something that is so important in a relationship. Something that is so trivial, can cause a huge rift.

    I'm glad that this was something that was able to be gotten through. It seems like such a minor issue now, but I can see how bad it must have been at the time.

    Thank you for letting us in on your introspection.
     
  5. When you locate the soul please give me directions?
     
  6. bistander

    bistander Well-Known Member Multi-CAW Finalist KAW Winner

    Thank you LMK. You did a fine job with this non-entry. I enjoyed it all the way through.
     
    Al Harlow and Little Miss K like this.
  7. A_GIRL_NAMED_SAM

    A_GIRL_NAMED_SAM Tom's Blonde Soulmate CAW Winner KAW Winner

    Awesome.jpg

    LMK, just a quick THANKS for your story, 'Regrets'. It was truly awesome!

    A great story from a talented author!

    A_GIRL_NAMED_SAM
     
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  8. Al Harlow

    Al Harlow Well-Known Member

    LMK, I’ve seen many of the comments you’ve left recently and the common denominator with those comments and the character in this story is Courage. You have it. To stumble is to learn how not to stumble again.

    Writing this poignant story for many to see took courage.

    Like an antidote is made from a little bit of the poison, one little lie has made this character all but immune from future lies and enabled true Courage to be recast stronger than before.

    As @A_GIRL_NAMED_SAM said, it’s hard to hit ‘like’. I loved it.
     
    Little Miss K likes this.