CAW 33 - The Senator and The Avenger

Discussion in 'Calling All Writers - CAW 33' started by Jeymar, Mar 4, 2018.

  1. Jeymar

    Jeymar Dean of the Perverts CAW SS Winner

    CAW33 - The Senator and The Avenger


    As he was driving along the empty street on his way to an important meeting, he saw her leaning against the lamp post. She could not be more than 18 or 19 years old. She was scantily dressed. Under her leather jacket he could make out her corset and from her breeches that she wore just above her loins, he saw she was sporting spandex leggings.

    He stopped the car and addressed her, asking if she was in trouble.

    “No,” she replied, “I’m just a girl standing in front of a stranger, asking to be loved. If you know what I mean.”

    “I get what you’re saying, but my code of honour does not allow me to fool around with scantily dressed young girls. Besides, I’m not in the habit of picking up and paying prostitutes for sex.”

    “Hey buster, I’m no whore and didn’t I ask you for any money? You just look groovy, so I thought we might just enjoy each other, I’m so lonely since I left home, that I figured we could just have a little bit of fun. Unless you’re happily married and faithful and never cheat on your wife, or is it your boyfriend or husband?”

    “Nothing of the sort, I am married, but for too long, but you look so young, how old are you anyway?”

    “I celebrated my 20th birthday a week ago. How old are you? I would say no more than 35, but surely not past 40.”

    He laughed so loud, saying: “Young lady, I’m well past my 50th birthday. I’m 56 years old. Listen, I can drop you anywhere, if you need a lift.” He was hoping she was buying his innocent sounding scheming pitch.

    “Yeah sure! Can you drop me in front of the hotel on Main street? I might find a dirty old man there who won’t be afraid of sharing a moment of tenderness and make me feel loved.”

    “Well hop in lass. I’ll take you there.” When she stepped in the car he noticed the stirrups on her cowgirl boots. “That’s a weird apparel you have there on your boots. Aren’t they out of place in the city?”

    “Tell you the truth I don’t give a fuck about what you or anyone thinks about how I dress. I like them and wear them all the time, from morning till night.”

    After a short drive they finally got to the hotel. “Here you are sweetie. Do you have a room here?”

    “Pfft, how do you think I could afford a room here? I barely have enough money to last for a few days of eating, I won’t waste it on a hotel room. I’ll just slip around the back and find a hiding place to sleep tonight.”

    “I’ll tell you what and please don’t be offended, I could get you a room, it would be a pity to see you stranded outside.” Now he was praying that she would accept his offer, maybe if he could get her to take him up on his offer, she would let him accompany her to her room.

    “Hey, I told you I’m not in this for money or any other compensation. You know, you might be one of those dirty old man that my friends warned me about. If you’re not about giving and sharing a little love and fun, you best be departed.” she had him swallowing line, hook and sinker, she knew it, but he was still playing hard to get. She knew the type, but she wasn’t going to give in easily either. The game was on and she knew that soon she would have him where she wanted. She had a knew who he was, and his political friends would soon hear about this. He would pay for how he destroyed her little sister.

    “Sweetie, I’ll only pay for the room, so you can have a good place and a warm bed to sleep in tonight. If you’re ok with it, let’s go in and register as father and daughter, so the clerk won’t get suspicious.” Now he hoped that he had her in his grasp.

    She knew he was a pervert into BDSM. She had notice from the lump in his pants that he was already hard, just thinking about what he would do to her.

    “Ok, if you don’t have any conditions, I’ll accept it as a token of make believe love.” “Oh! How he will regret his attraction to abusing young girls, I know for a fact that he doesn’t believe for a moment that I’m 20. He wouldn’t go through all this, if he thought I was more than 16. He probably thinks I’m 15 or 16 at the most, maybe younger.

    They walked in directly to the reception desk and she let him ask the clerk if he had any room available. He was shaking from febricity, although he tried to control himself, he felt hot and sweaty.

    “Excuse me young man, would you have a room available for two nights?” He didn’t notice that the girl had one finger on the counter, as he asked the question.

    “I'm sorry, but the only room available only has a single bed.” As he looked at her finger that she soon replaced with a second one. This was a code they had established before hand. One finger was for a one bed only, and two meant that her victim would share the room for the trap she had set.

    “That’s ok, the room is only for my daughter, since I have some business I have to take care of. I’ll only make sure she’s settled well enough, then be on my way.”

    “If you say so, I’ll need some identification for registration and before allowing you to go up to the room. Security procedures, you understand? Any child abuser could pretend the girl is their daughter, while she really is not.”

    “Young man, do you have any idea who I am? Your boss will be hearing about this! You better not make any trouble for me or my daughter.” Being a high ranked politician, he knew how to control people and this young firebrand was no match.

    “Please sir, I’m only following orders, it’s out of my discretion. I do need identification, at least for registering. It could be yours or hers. It doesn’t matter, since you’ll be paying for the room, I suppose?”

    “That’s better son. Here is my driver’s permit. Make it quick, I don’t have all day.”

    After having filled the registrar and having the customer sign it, the clerk handed him the cardkey.

    As they were on their way up to the elevator the clerk asked: “Do you have any luggage to bring up? I can have one of our porters bring it up for you.”

    “No, we’ll go shopping later for my daughter, so she can have a new change of clothes. Thank you.”

    “Well you took care of that didn’t you? Oh! By the way what should I call you besides father. What is your name? Mine is Angela, you can call me Angel or Angie, whatever you prefer.” As they walked away to their room.

    “You can call me Robert or Bob or father. Which ever you prefer.”

    “Can I call you Bobby?” She knew that this was what his wife called him and that he hated it.

    “No, please call me Bob or Robert. I hate the name Bobby.”

    “As you wish Bobby baby.”

    He twitched at her arrogance.

    She burst out laughing. She found it so much fun, having annoyed him. This would be the first of his suffering. She vowed to hurt him more mentally than physically.

    As soon as they got in the room, she turned around and told him she would get a shower. No sooner had she said that, that she started to disrobe. She could see the tent in his trouser, even if they were loosely fit. There was no mistake he was firmly trapped.

    “Are you going to join me?” As her stirrup boots, leather jacket, breeches and corset and brassiere hit the linoleum, she started to unbuckle his pants while he took off his jacket and shirt.

    He was jittery, shaking with anticipation. She had such an exciting little body, he was afraid he’d cum before experiencing any action. It took all his self control not to grab her here and then and fuck the life out of her. Somehow, she resembled that 14 years old he had devirginized a few months ago, same lean body type, about five feet two, around 105 pounds, dirty blond hair, green eyes and half grapefruit size tits. She would be a prize to had to his collection. She looked so much like her, that she could easily past as her sister.

    With both piles of clothes on the floor they rushed to the bathroom and jumped into the shower. Soaping each other, front and back, soon followed by groping and kissing.

    Slowly at first, pretending to kneel to wash his legs, she took his seven and half inch cock in her mouth. No sooner was she pushing it to her throat, that he came. She swallowed as he hollowed is pleasure.

    She licked her lips. “So soon, I’m glad you enjoyed it. But let’s just say the fun was short, I’m sad that it’s over so quickly.”

    “Don’t worry little one, there’s plenty more where that came from and I can replenish fast enough to give you more loving as the night will progress.”

    “Yeah! Promises, promises. I heard all that before. But I never experienced a multi-orgasmic male”. “And you’re thinking that all the fun and pleasure will be for you bastard.

    On these words he picked her up, pulling her legs around his neck and started munching on her vaginal entrance, licking from anus to clit and back. She was ecstatic, feeling her orgasm invade her from head to toes. She squeezed his head so heard that he could hardly breath. She was mad about her body betraying her.

    “Don’t stop, please don’t stop…aww…oooh…yessss….yesss. lick it you bum…oh my god….oh my god….oh…oh…oh yes…yessss. Awwwww…”

    He let her down, laying her on her back. That’s when she noticed he was hard as rock already.

    He turned her around on hands and knees and with no regards to her feeling, just rammed his dick in her cunt to the hilt in one hard motion. He was going to fuck her hard and he knew she was going to hurt, but he didn’t care, he never did. She was there to pleasure him, like it or not. She would be walking bow legged for days to come. He would fill her womb wit semen till her tummy inflated with a lovely little bump. But before doing that he had a surprise for her.

    When he felt he couldn’t hold it any longer, he pulled out as she was cumming and although she begged him not to, he climbed up on her chest, and discharged his load all over her face, both to humiliate and dehumanize her. He had to show her she was just a toy to him.

    To his astonishment, she smiled and licked all of what was within her tongue’s reach, followed by her fingers scraping what she could to her mouth.

    I hate it, but I’ve got to go through with it, if I want little sis to be avenged.”

    “I just love the taste of cum and yours is super delicious.” With that she smacked her lips. She was disgusted by it, but she wanted him to think he was the best and that she was into submission. The lure had to be established without fail.

    “Clean me up with your mouth and get your face washed. We have some shopping to do, before going at it again. This is just a sample of what I have in store for you.”

    “Does your wife enjoy this sex making attitude of yours? She must be a fucking slut and I can’t blame her, it’s quite a ride. Why do you want to go shopping, don’t we have all it takes to make it through the evening and night? I’d even be willing to make it for the whole two days you got the room for.”

    “And why do you think I got it for two days? We go shopping because it the only time you’ll get out of this room before I’m through and fed up with you.”

    “Like you did with….” she stopped herself in time before she would say “…my little sister.”

    “Did it with who? What were you going to say?” He smelled a rat here. “Who are you little one? What’s on your mind?”

    “Nothing I’m so overwhelmed that I got lost in my thoughts and mistook you for someone else for a moment, sorry.” She hoped he would buy it, but now she was scared that she might have blown her plan to smithereens.

    He knew he would have to be on his guards from now on with this little slut. She surely had something on her mind and he didn’t believe her explanation about mistaking him for someone else. “What have I got myself into? What was she going to say?”. He could read the relief on her face of having stopped before continuing with what she had started to say. Maybe there was nothing to worry about, but he would be careful. Being a seasoned politician, he knew he would be ok, if there were no witness plus his lawyers could easily discredit this little nobody.

    Little did he know that hidden cameras had been installed in every nick and nooks of the room they were in and that every move and every word would be recorded. That the clerk was her brother and the owner was her dear uncle. They had obtained the route he would be traveling by a scandalized secretary from his office who cooperated to bring this abuser down.

    “So, are we ready to do some shopping?”

    “If you insist, but it’s not necessary.” Now she was afraid that he had detected her mistake and that he could try to get rid of her in any manner before her plan came to its conclusion. She knew he was powerful enough to kill her and get away with it.

    They found a shopping mall where they could get all he had planned to purchase. He took out a credit card from his wallet and handed it to her, telling her to buy two sets of dress wear and lingerie to her liking and next to go to a shoe store to get matching platform heels to whatever she’d buy and that meanwhile he would get the other stuff they needed for their two-day tryst.

    “Are you sure? It could be very expensive. I could probably live a whole year on the cost of just one outfit.” She really didn’t want anything from him except to get revenge for her sister. She decided that whatever happened, she would destroy everything she got when her the plan finally came to past or maybe give it to charity. She would never want to have anything that came from him.

    “If you insist I’ll tell you what. Limit your purchases to $5,000. Give or take $500. Will that reassure you? Don’t forget to get some very sexy lingerie.”

    “Hey! What about that important special meeting you were on your way to attend? Aren’t the people going to worry if you don’t show up?”

    “That’s not any of your concerns, I’ll call to report it to a later date. They have no say in the matter. You see I run the show, so no one has any reason to complain.” It is important, but now this affair took precedence for me. That’s the beauty of my position.”

    “What do you do for a living” she asked, as though she didn’t know he was a U.S. Senator and that his post was up for election in November of that year.

    “I’m a U.S. Senator and my meeting was concerning the strategy for the coming election in a year’s time. Everything for now is just preliminary. There’s no rush at this moment. Besides, I’m not very threaten, since my adversary is not qualified for the post. My electorate has fate in what I did for them and they know I can do more than he could ever accomplish in a hundred years.”

    Wait till after my plan is over buddy. You’ll see how your electorate will thing of you once it all goes public”, she thought to herself.

    She went into Victoria’s Secret and bought the two sets of lingerie, next she went to Macy’s to buy the fashion wear needed to fill the order of dress apparel and finished with two elegant pairs of shoes. She vowed to herself she would only wear these today. As she did her shopping, she wondered if he had proceeded likely with her sister. Probably not, since she was more into jeans and cardigans or shirts. Once done, her spending totalized $4,758.

    She saw him getting out of a sex shop, wondering what he had bought there. When she asked, he simply told her it was a surprise and that she would enjoy it. That in his world, this was the way a man showed a woman the love he felt for her.

    She knew it was only words, that she would only see him in court after the two days had past.

    “Ready to go home sweetheart?”

    “I suppose, unless we stop to eat something, I’m hungry the shopping took a lot of energy out of me and my stomach is grumbling.”

    “We’ll order room service back at the hotel, if you don’t mind. We’re only 15 minutes away and I hope their service is fast enough to satisfy your hunger in record time. If you want I can call them and order from here, so you won’t have to wait too long for your meal.”

    “Please do that, I’m really hungry”. “The bastard is making sure no to be seen in public with me. He wants as few witnesses as possible.

    He didn’t want to be seen with her for too long a time, just in case his worries about her mishap were founded.

    No sooner had they entered the room, that room service knocked at the door. The waiter set everything on the table and waited for his tip, which was answered quickly. “You put the bill on my tab, I’ll settle when we leave” he told the employee.

    The waiter went directly to the front desk, as per the instructions given to him by the desk clerk, to tell him he had just brought food to the room, so the clients were back.

    The clerk, her brother went in the backroom and flipped a few switches, came back and thanked the waiter.

    “Before we eat, why don’t you put on one of the outfit you bought today?” He told her. It wasn’t a question by the tone he had employed, but more of a command.

    She started walking to the bathroom to change, but he stopped her.

    “Where do you think you’re going? Change right here, so I can watch the show.”

    Fuming inside, she stripped right there in front of him and put on a set of sexy lingerie before donning a fashion dress and complementary shoes.

    He opened one of his bags and took out a small box, tending her an expensive pair of earrings. He was surprised at her lack of exclamation. It was as though she was used to this luxury. Of course, he couldn’t know she was the daughter of a very influential candidate to become a judge of the Supreme Court of the USA.

    After dinner he ordered her without further ado to strip down to her sexy lingerie. When she hesitated for a moment, he walked up to her and asked if he had stuttered. Without warning he grabbed the dress and ripped it off her, shredding it to pieces.

    She had expected that and started imploring him to stop, to please not hurt her, that she would do anything he wanted, but to please be gentle. That he didn’t have to rough her up. She had to muster all the coaching she had received to play the part and she hoped she had succeeded.

    He took an admiring look at her lingerie clad body, ogling her. “Show me some sexy moves, act as the cheap stripper you are. Be my slut for today” he commanded “You don’t know it yet sweetie, but this is what excites me the most, making an ordinary girl become a low life sex object for me. I will use you in whichever way I want, I’ll enjoy hurting you.”

    On these words he tore her lingerie off. “Now get on your knees and fish my tool out and start sucking on it.”

    “Please sir she implored, please don’t force me to do that, you’re scaring me, please don’t hurt me.” That was part of the plan she, her father and mother, brother, uncle and the prosecutor add designed. If they were right, he would commit to his animalistic behavior like he had with Carole, Angela’s sister.

    Poor Carole was now but a shadow of her former happy girl days. She was demolished both physically and mentally. They had vowed to destroy her aggressor. It had taken a while to discover who he was, but they had him where they wanted.

    As Angie was taking out his penis from his pants, he leaned back and grabbed one of his bags, dumping its content on the bed for her to see first a flogger, three pairs of handcuffs, nipple clips, a monstrous black
    dildo, plus a mouth gag and what looked like a butt plug. She hoped she wouldn’t have to go through experimenting with all of those. Some look inoffensive enough, but others would bring a lot of pain.

    She was sucking him, when he grabbed her by the back of the head and shoved his body forward, lodging his instrument deep in her throat.

    She couldn’t breath at that point. She was fighting to dislodge him, but he was too strong. He proceeded to strip, first kicking his shoes, hitting her thighs by the same token, removing his shirt which he threw over her head. He backed off long enough to remove his pants and underwear. Now completely naked and free to move, he shoved his prick back in her mouth, pulling her head to penetrate her throat once again.

    She couldn’t see what he was doing but she heard the clicking of the manacles and felt the cold steel around one wrist, then that arm was pulled behind her back. He grabbed her other arm and almost broke it as he brought it in the back to lock the handcuffs on.


    He lifted her up, turned her around, her back to the bed and threw her like a rag doll. He then shackled each ankle to her wrists. She was now on her back, legs above her head, her most intimate parts fully exposed.

    “Beautiful rear entrance my sweetie Angie. It shall be mine for the next two days.”

    “No, no please don’t. No one as ever attempted that, and I know it will hurt too much. Please don’t do it, oh please sir. Mmff…mmmfff…mmfff….” As she was protesting, he had forced the gag in her mouth, grabbed the dildo and unceremoniously inserted it in her vagina. She was now at his complete disposal, she was scared, hoping that the others would intervene before this abomination would happen. It hurt so much she was sure he had injured the inner walls of her cunt and probably ripped her cervix entrance.

    “This my sweet darling is all in preparation for deflowering your anus with my one eye monster, while you’ll feel your vagina expand to accommodate the dildo. Moving back and forth, as I fuck your poop chute, hitting your cervix hard as I push it in. My prick reaching that painful spot in your rectum to inflict even more pain. I’m sure you’ll become addicted to this pain/pleasure exercise. I might decide to keep you, if you fill my most sadistic fantasies.”

    That’s when the television switched on.

    “What the fuck is that? Who put the tv on?” He looked back and saw all the actions that had taken place since their return unfold on screen. Nowhere was it visible that she had been a willing participant. He quickly removed the dildo and shoved it on the bed, ripped the gag from her mouth and unshackled both wrists and ankles. He told her to put her undergarment on, so that she wouldn’t be naked and still looking like a willing partner.

    In shock he realized she had set him up.

    “What the fuck have you done. You were agreeable to our sexual encounter; do you think that with my influence you stand a chance to have me criminally accused and found guilty? You’re just a nobody, a slut off the street. Who do you think the authorities will believe? You, the slum of society or me a respectable senator of the United States of America. I’m an influent member of the Senate, my peers respect and envy me. Good luck whore with your low life scheme to discredit or blackmail me.”

    “No, I might not be able to do it by myself, but do you remember Carole, a sweet 14 years old from few months back? She’s my sister and you destroyed her. What will your constituents and electors think of you once this goes public, you bastard?”

    A voice from the tv came on and told Angie to pick up all the clothes and bags and put them in the bathroom. The entrance door opened, and four cops came in preceded by Carole. The senator now naked tried to recover his composure. He tore the bedsheet from the bed to cover himself and sat down.

    “I can explain everything” he told the policemen. She was willing to go through our sexual pleasure, she wanted it. When the tv came on and she realized we had been caught, she played the victim, but she was a willing partner. She probably wanted it more than I did. I only played along with her fantasy.

    “Like you did mine?” asked Carole.



    Unbeknowned to all, Angie had made an extra purchase at the shopping mall. When she heard him pronounce these words, she went ballistic. She took the hunting knife from her bag and rushed through the four cops and tried to stab him.

    “You, you’re a sick animal, you’ll never hurt another girl again, you filthy irresponsible lying pedophile.” When he saw her coming at him, he saw the hunting knife, he quickly took it away from her, now the weapon, was aimed towards Angie’s abdomen. Tumbling she fell towards him and the knife perforated her abdomen. She fumbled to the floor bleeding profusely. Her brother, still watching from downstairs, immediately sent the medics that had been standing by in case of such an emergency, up to the room to the rescue. They attended to her wound and decide they had to bring her to the hospital.

    On the way to the emergency ward she had to be revived twice. Luckily the transport unit was fully equipped to tend to any situation. She was in dire need of medical attention, she was rushed to an operating room where surgeons proceeded to take care of her.

    The officer in charge questioned the senator to get his version of the events.

    “Tell me sir, where you drunk, are you on drugs? What happened here?”

    The only declaration I will make is that we were having consensual sex. I even bought her some high fashion apparel, sexy lingerie, shoes and jewels today. Look at the tapes, you’ll see she was the one who attacked me, she was aiming that hunting knife at my chest. I had to defend myself and my former training as a Marine kicked in just in time to save my life. I would never deliberately hurt a woman, unless she implored me to let her experience her deeply hidden fantasies. I will bring her to justice and make sure she gets a proper sentence.”

    The cops were prepared and willing to put an end to this cruel pedophile’s career and were conniving accomplices of the team assembled for this operation.

    “Unfortunately for you senator, we happened to be looking the other way when she rushed at you, we never saw her sporting a hunting knife. The only time we saw that weapon was when you aimed it at her stomach. You were armed and from what ensued, dangerous. You better hope she doesn’t die. I would hate to see an American Senator sitting on an electric chair or spending the rest of his living year as the senator of a prison wing.”

    “That’s ok, the tapes will reveal the truth, since every movement and words were to be monitored through some cameras, probably hidden all over the room. My staff will make sure to find and dismantle all of them.”

    Tommy, Angie’s brother walked in at that moment to inquire about her wound and heard the not so gentleman had said.

    ” Too bad for you scum, a portion of the last part of the tapes was damaged and irrecuperable. It’s impossible to screen it, while the last part where you knifed my sister is clear and witness to an act of savagery. We can even see the dildo sitting in the middle of the bed, like a black exclamation point to your embarrassment.

    The senator was arrested and brought to jail. The next morning the court judge denied him bound. Upon is violent reaction he was finally condemned to 90 days jail time for contempt of court and hearing trial was set for later.

    The medical staff at the hospital saved Angie, but unfortunately, she would never be able to conceive a child, since her womb and ovaries had been damaged beyond repair.

    To the newspaper people she declared that it was all worth it, to see that her sister’s attacker went to jail. For the remainder of her life, she maintained she had never consented to have sex with that man and that he had picked her up, like he had her sister Carole.

    Carole, standing at her side, was sobbing and repeating: “Thank you Angie, with your sacrifice, I think I will be able to overcome my pain. Maybe one day I might even give you a beautiful niece to cherish, and who knows, maybe a nephew too.”

    They both hugged and cried in each other shoulder.

    The senator was accused of attempted murder, bodily harm, pedophilia in the case of Carole, solliciting, via the pruchases he had offered Angel and other crimes.

    The trial lasted for a two and a half weeks. The jury found the accused guilty on all charges. The sentence was harsh; thirty years with eligibility of parole not before twenty years had been served. He name was to be inscribed on the Sex Offender and Pedophile register.

    He would never be in a position of presenting himself for election on any official post.



    For the protection of persons involved the family name of all implicated in this story will remain undivulged, so that they will remain anonymous.

    This is a fictional story and any resemblance to past or present circumstances or people is purely coincidental.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 4, 2018
  2. God

    God God Staff Member Moderator Founder & Admin

  3. 1 Toy Maker

    1 Toy Maker Well-Known Member

    That last bit is so funny. Im sure that many abbusives of women and power like this do happen, its a heartfelt story where the little guy wins.
    Thanks writer.
     
  4. Redbeard1031

    Redbeard1031 Well-Known Member

    The bigger they think they are the harder they fall. Thanks for your submission.
     
  5. ahorsewithnoname

    ahorsewithnoname Author & Admin. Live. Love. Write! Win a Pulitzer! Staff Member Founder & Admin 7-Time CAW Winner 5-Time CAW SS Winner

    The premise was good and I followed the story well up until the part where the girl tried to stab the senator. What were the four policemen doing at that time? Wouldn't they have cuffed the senator, and if so, how would he have disarmed the girl? I saw what you wrote, but, from 30+ years of watching cop shows on television, I find that part hard to believe. Besides that, I enjoyed the story quite a bit. Good effort!
     
  6. Little Miss K

    Little Miss K Naughty but Nice 3-Time CAW Winner CAW SS Winner

    I was expecting A senator, and a Superhero. :D:oops::D

    I like that she was able to get revenge for her sister, and that the predator got thrown in jail at the end. He seemed to be an awful person.

    The sex wasn't the type that I enjoy. The whole time I kept wondering how she could let him touch her after what he had done to her sister. :( The plan seemed to be very elaborate, and I don't think that it would hold up in a real court of law.

    Thanks for the story. :)
     
  7. Jeymar

    Jeymar Dean of the Perverts CAW SS Winner

    Thank you for your submission
     
  8. Missrachael

    Missrachael Well-Known Member Queen of Cheshire

    Very powerful story, well written but would have benefited from a proof reader. Good entry though, thank you
     
  9. HCB0414

    HCB0414 Well-Known Member Multi-CAW Finalist 2-Time CAW SS Winner

    I have to say I too, was hoping for a super hero Avenger with a Senator. So I was a little disappointed that it wasn't.

    It was good, not the type of story I like to read but that doesn't mean I didn't like the plot. I don't believe she would have let that guy touch her, with her knowing what kind of guy he was. I agree with Little Miss K when she said it most likely wouldn't hold up in a real court of law. But this was your story so it happened in your court of law.

    Thank you, for your story!
     
  10. ejls

    ejls Moderator Staff Member Moderator CAW Founder 7-Time CAW Winner

    Good premise, some errors. The dialogue at the end seemed very formal (the sisters speaking to each other). Thanks for the story.
     
  11. bistander

    bistander Well-Known Member Multi-CAW Finalist KAW Winner

    Thank you for taking the time to come up with a story and entering.

    When a character thinks something, you don't put it in quotes like dialog because that can become confusing when reading. Some like to use italic, though.

    There were some other things I'd be happy to share if you wanted some pointers. Once the contest is over, send me a message if you'd like to hear more.
    Great job coming up with the premise and getting the keywords used in the story. Thanks.
     
    1 Toy Maker and Missrachael like this.
  12. Uncle B

    Uncle B Well-Known Member 3-Time CAW Winner

    15 uses from all 3 lists. Good work.

    The senator was a despicable character. Too bad he didn't get shot with an automatic rifle, or revolver.

    Thanks for your participation.