Barnum - a non-entry

Discussion in 'KAW 12' started by ahorsewithnoname, Oct 18, 2018.

  1. ahorsewithnoname

    ahorsewithnoname Author & Admin. Live. Love. Write! Win a Pulitzer! Staff Member

    Barnum

    by ahorsewithnoname



    "Next."

    The stink of unwashed bodies is one of the less pleasant aspects of this place. Standing in line ranks right up there, too, though pardon the pun.

    "Next."

    That's the sweet sound of movement forward, always welcomed. I shuffle a couple of steps and waited. Again.

    It wasn't always this way. If you have a few moments -- I have plenty, thank you -- let me tell you about winning the recent $868 million lottery. You'll enjoy this tale.

    It was a fairly busy day. I had walked a couple of hours in the morning, as per usual, catching Pokemon in the process, as per usual, when I realized that I had not yet bought the tickets. The lottery had risen over a few months to an ungodly amount, so I thought I would contribute my fair share.

    The gas station at the end of my road was an easy place to buy tickets. I went in just before 4pm and there was no line. I started to walk over when I saw a woman struggling with carrying three bottles of Coke and a couple of snacks.

    "Here, let me help you," as I approached and then help carry her treats to the counter. She looked to be in her late 20s or early 30s, a little plump, but with an engaging personality capped by a winning smile. She thanked me, paid for her stash, a single lottery ticket and then prepaid for her gas.

    When it was my turn, I went for it. I placed 5 twenty dollar bills down and simply said "Mega Millions". The clerk, a young girl all of 20 smiled and wished me luck as she started cranking out the tickets. I'd just lost my job and needed to sign up for unemployment. Unless I won, of course.

    My friends came over that evening for a spirited game of Cards Against Humanity. I told them of my lottery purchase and they whooped it up and we made plans for that massive haul. After they left I settled onto the sofa to watch some television.

    I must have dozed off because the next thing I felt was my girlfriend shaking me awake.

    "Rob!" She had a very concerned look about her face.

    "What? What's wrong?" I said, struggling to get up from the comfy cushions.

    "Look! Look at this!" She was pointing to some numbers she'd written on a slip of paper, and she had one Mega Millions ticket sitting next to it.

    I looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "No fuckin' way." I put my reading glasses on and with a crushing weight in my chest, I compared the two sets of numbers.

    4. 8. 15. 16. 23. 42.

    My hand holding the ticket started shaking, and there was a pounding in my head.

    "Oh shit." I'd dreamed of this happening so many times that I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I first took a picture of the winning ticket, front and back, with my phone's camera. Then I signed the ticket and again took pictures. My girlfriend was babbling but I was ignoring her for the moment.

    Next I took the ticket and brought it into my bedroom, into the closet, and unlocked the large safe that I kept there. I set the ticket on the top shelf, then closed the door and spun the tumbler a half dozen times in each direction.

    "What?" She was still talking to me. "Yes, yes, sorry, yes, we've won. We've fucking won!"

    I started to review the list in my head of whom I needed to call. My brother was first. I'd want him to drive me to the lottery office early the next morning, not willing to trust myself with driving. I was planning on sitting up all night, my .357 magnum at my side, you know, in case anyone broke into my house. Crazy, huh? Then I'd call -- but it didn't get any further.

    My girlfriend was cupping my crotch, squeezing gently, and dropping to her knees in front of me, hands attacking my zipper. She had my cock out quickly, and while it wasn't hard at the moment, it was moving in that direction pretty rapidly now.

    There was no subtlety, no grace. She slammed her opened mouth around it and sucked it in deep, hands pulling the jeans and underwear to my ankles. Her tongue wet the length and she started bobbing quickly, her free hands taking hold of the expanding shaft and my ball sack, gently squeezing it.

    I didn't know what to make of this; it had never happened like this before. I closed my eyes and gave in to the great sensations of her mouth voraciously doing its best to bring me to orgasm.

    It happened much quicker than both of us expected. I barely had a chance to say "Oh my god" before I exploded and she moaned her delight. I felt her swallow after each jet of cum and when I was finished, she stood up and looked me in the eye.

    "I've never blown a multi-millionaire before." We both laughed.

    The next few weeks were a whirlwind of activity. You cannot imagine how many people want to help you when your net worth increases by a few hundred million dollars overnight. For me it was simple. Give me the cash. The government took their share, of course, right off the top, but that was fine. I just wanted what was left, what was mine, and be done with it.

    $277 million. It's not easy to decide where to deposit that much money. But I did make decisions. Quit my job. Bought a Porsche, two actually, because I like both colors. Wrote checks to family and friends. Sent my ex-wife a check for $100; that was fun! Planned vacations and even hired a couple of hot-looking female bodyguards.

    "Next." The inevitable shuffle forward.

    I'd seen the news, of how she worked at the unemployment office, that engaging smile, but now that she'd won she seemed to be a little less engaging, almost a smirk about her. Didn't matter. I simply wanted to say my say and then I'd go stand in the correct line.

    She'd told the world that she was gonna' give her two weeks notice. At first I thought it was because she was simply that nice. After hearing her talk, no, it wasn't that. It was almost like she wanted to, well, gloat a bit.

    "Next." And there she was, seated on the other side of counter. I shuffled up. Less engaging at this point, I noticed.

    "Paperwork," she said, not even looking up. I waited. A few seconds went by and then she looked up.

    "Paper--" a little firmer, but she stopped when she saw me. Her brow furrowed, trying to put the pieces together.

    "Do I know you?" She was now smiling, that tentative smile that people produce when they're unsure about something.

    "I was the guy at the gas station. The one that helped you carry your stuff to the counter. The one whom you went in front of when you bought your ticket."

    Recognition dawned on her face, a complete look of surprise and then . . . pity.

    "YES! You. I remember you. Wow, that really sucks for you. If you'd have just minded your own business you would have won instead of me." Laughter. She was laughing.

    "You owe me."

    She stopped laughing and there it was, that smirk. Her lip curled in a very ugly fashion.

    "Owe you? OWE YOU?" Her voice rose very noticeably. "I don't owe you shit, pal. You know, P.T. Barnum said it best, there's a sucker born every minute, and that's what you are, a sucker, now get away from me before I call secur--"

    The report from the .357 magnum was deafening as I shot her point blank in the chest. She was dead before she hit the ground.

    I didn't regret shooting her.

    I did, however, regret not buying the lottery ticket.

    "Next." Finally. I held my tray up and it was plop, plop, and plop, the sound of food coming from the oversized ladle of the food service inmate.

    I shuffled forward, wondering if today would be my lucky day and I'd get a dessert that I liked.
     
  2. Uncle B

    Uncle B Well-Known Member

    I like how you incorporate the current lottery fever into this one. On a side note, I will be booking a WRIST cruise for everyone here after I win the billion dollars tonight.

    I like this one, and the way it jumps from one side to the other. I was able to follow your thoughts, but just a little bit of clean up on the transitions might have helped the reader stay on track easier.

    Maybe we can talk about it more on the lido deck over cocktails while watching the girls take a swim.
     
  3. Little Miss K

    Little Miss K Naughty but Nice

    Justifiable Homicide! :D (You just need a good lawyer.) ;)

    Could you even imagine that? Knowing that you lost out by one person because you were polite? :eek:

    This is a fun story. A little bit confusing, but easy to catch up with. :)

    She was so awful that shooting her might have been too easy on her. :p
     
    Michael McDaniel and bistander like this.
  4. I must be way over the hill - crotchety and over-valuing my opinion but the subject matter kept my mind reverberating on a short piece I wrote about the lottery:

    WHY I HAVE NEVER PURCHASED A LOTTERY TICKET
    I have never purchased a lottery ticket! When I was a young lawyer it was illegal to sell lottery tickets. They were called “numbers” or “biloto”. It was gambling and thought to be a system which took advantage of the poor leading them on with the possibility of improving their lives financially where such improvement did not seem to be a possibility in their real lives.
    Florida prided itself on being a low tax state but was desperate for additional revenues, which our politicians would not have to call “taxes”. They implemented new charges and increased charges for services and then came up with the Lottery System. It was politically brilliant. They used the same psychological motivations as the illegal system but now it was legal. The poor still paid a disproportionate share but it was “voluntary”. If they paid more it was their fault for being gullible and poor. Politicians liked it because it carried little or no political cost to them and allowed them to service the “good” people of higher income who they see as their proper constituency. This is more true of the Republican pols but both parties have participated.
    If the lottery was immoral and wrong in the private sphere, I see it as even more egregious when it is run by my government! I spoke against it as it began and I speak against it now.
    Some people have told me I cannot win if I do not buy. I am fortunate in not having had a financially deprived/hopeless life. Many of those people profess belief in a personal God. To them, I tell the story (true) of the early lottery winner who never bought a ticket. He found his winning ticket on the side of the road. Do you see, if God wants you to win he can arrange it without your buying a ticket?
    It is one of the minor improvements we need to make when we have regained sensible control of our government. Hopefully, for a government, that better serves the needs of a majority of its citizens rather than increasing the financial wherewithal of a relative few.
     
    bistander likes this.
  5. bistander

    bistander Well-Known Member

    First, I'd like to commend you for your commitment to the site and contests by writing a story even though you are quite busy. I can tell by some of the technical issues and a booboo or two that you let slip through that you had little time.
    Second, great story. Me, being slightly less brilliant than my Drunk uncle and LMK, did not follow the jumps, but quickly got it at the end. Though, that might have something more to do with my reading comprehension than your effort.

    Thanks. I can't remember the last time I forked over a dollar for a chance. Someone at work used to drive over to a neighboring state years ago and every now and then I'd toss in a George Washington. Then I heard I had a better chance of getting struck by lighting, and living in one of the states with a very high rate of lightning strikes, I stopped buying them, hoping that would lessen my chances of getting french-fried.
     
  6. A_GIRL_NAMED_SAM

    A_GIRL_NAMED_SAM ***Reigning CAW Champion***

    Old Sarge 2.jpg

    Horse - what more can I say? Your story, 'Barnum' is truly the work of a master craftsman!

    Thank you for your support! It meant a great deal that you would write something for us here.

    A_GIRL_NAMED_SAM
     
    Michael McDaniel likes this.